


you grew up so beautiful

by bluerush



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Childhood Friends, Drunken Confessions, M/M, Party, taebin are dense, yes im obsessed with gold rush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:29:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28088541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluerush/pseuds/bluerush
Summary: “So,” Beomgyu starts again, his words starting to become stammered. “What was Soobin like?”Taehyun turns his head from Beomgyu back to Soobin. Taehyun watches again, the alcohol kicking in. He watches Soobin mingle with people. He watches him freely have a conversation with his college friends. He watches him dance. He watches him down so many shots. He watches him do things he’s never seen him do before. "How did he grow up to be that beautiful?" He thinks.“He was nothing like this,” Taehyun says with a tone filled with longing.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 15
Kudos: 87





	you grew up so beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is my first fic and i have a lot to learn and improve but i hope you enjoy it <3
> 
> and ive been obsessed with gold rush ever since ti came out and just wanted to write something and i hope i got my feelings across!!

_This is it_. Taehyun thinks to himself. _My first college party._

He holds onto Soobin, his best friend since he was seven years old who’s a sophomore at their university, one year ahead of him. Taehyun is a freshie on his first ever week of college but here he is: outside Soobin’s friend’s house. It’s his first week and he’s already being dragged into an actual college party by none other than apparently cool and popular campus crush, Soobin (or at least that was what Soobin told him. Taehyun doesn’t believe him). He clings onto Soobin for dear life, the way he always does when he’s nervous.

Soobin pats his hand that clung around the older’s arms. “It’s okay,” he reassures Taehyun. The latter smiles at him. It’s indeed okay. He always does things with Soobin anyways. Soobin has been there through all his firsts. His first day at high school, his first sip of beer, his first time cutting classes, his first time failing a class, his first time being in love, his first heartbreak; Soobin has always been there for him. And now he’s here for his first college party. He squeezes Taehyun’s hand.

It’s cool, Taehyun realises. Even after being separated for a year (since Soobin had to study college in a different city), Soobin can still see through Taehyun. He still knows when Taehyun’s nervous or not, and he knows how to deal with it. Taehyun’s cheeks flushes red at the thought.

After a few minutes they enter, Taehyun is still clinging on Soobin’s arms. Flashing lights of different colors greet Soobin and Taehyun as they step foot on the house. But that is only the first out of so many things that greet them next. After one quick moment, he feels Soobin slip out of his hold. 

Soobin is just as he bragged. It hasn’t even been a minute but it feels like Soobin already greeted a whole class. Soobin feels so terribly out of reach. This is what one year in college turned his best friend into. Taehyun watches. He watches Soobin give out handshakes, hugs and he watches as Soobin laughs while greeting people. He sees the genuine happiness in his face. He watches as Soobin’s eyes gleam and as he glows through that room. _Pretty_ , he thinks.

A while later, Soobin starts introducing Taehyun to his friends. Taehyun smiles and tries to make small talk- something that can make him have a good first impression. He doesn’t want to make people think that cool, popular Soobin (who he only saw now) has friends as lame as him. And he thinks he did a good job. After a few, “Good luck with college, freshman!” and “Tell us if you need help,” Taehyun exhales deeply and then releases the tension on his shoulders. His chest feels lighter than before. 

Soobin leads him to the living room, where the party isn’t that bright and loud, to sit on the couch. Soobin introduces him again to the people there. Taehyun feels overwhelmed by all the unfamiliar faces but finally Soobin introduces him to someone he knows. Soobin sits him beside Beomgyu, Soobin’s classmate and friend that he always told stories about. 

“I’m gonna get you a drink,” He tells Taehyun. He points at Beomgyu, almost a threat. “You. You take care of him, okay?”

Beomgyu shoos Soobin away, nodding like he’s assuring Soobin that he already knows what to do. And with that, Soobin walks away. Taehyun watches him again. He watches as Soobin fades into the crowd, still greeting every one he passes by. He wonders where did Soobin learn to be this sociable around people. Ever since time, Taehyun was his only closest friend and seeing him gain new others made him feel happy. His eyes glow with pride (and jealousy that he can’t seem to shake off). _Was he holding him back all this time?_ A deep voice interrupts his train of thought. 

“So you’re Taehyun,” Beomgyu starts the conversation. “Soobin told me lots of things about you.”

“Hi, Beomgyu! it’s nice to meet you,” Taehyun says, blushing. He doesn’t know why the thought of Soobin telling stories about him makes him want to smile from ear to ear. “Soobin told me a lot about you too.”

Beomgyu laughs at that and they continue chatting. They talk about college and Beomgyu gives him tips and dos and dont dos. Taehyun tells him about his plans for college, and Beomgyu talks about his music club – he enthusiastically persuades Taehyun to join after knowing that the younger can sing.

Beomgyu gives him his number, promising him that if anyone messes with Taehyun, he’s one call away. The freshman thanks him sincerely and continues telling him about college life. 

After a year worth of Beomgyu’s college stories, Soobin comes back, panting. “Sorry,” he hands Taehyun a drink. “I bumped into too many people on the way.”

Taehyun scoffs. _I know_ , he wants to say so badly.

“You didn’t tell me you’re actually very popular,” Taehyun teases him.

“I told you so many times you didn’t believe me!” Soobin argues.

“It was too good to be true,” Taehyun retaliates and the three of them laugh.

“Anyways, I’m gonna catch up with some friends, you wanna come?” Soobin asks, pointing to the crowd of drunk teenagers with his thumb. 

Taehyun looks at them before shaking his head. “I think I’ll stay here for a while.”

“Come on,” Soobin pleads. “I want to introduce you,”

“I think I’ll drink a few sips first,” Taehyun says awkwardly. He feels overwhelmed, being the only freshman in a college party. He wants to be buzzed before interacting with Soobin’s friends.

“If you say so.”

There is a certain disappointment in Soobin’s voice that made the other feel even more nervous, but Taehyun dismisses it. He walks away again and Taehyun’s back to watching him from afar. He shares a few shots and chugs with Beomgyu, both from the drink Soobin got him and the few hard drinks that are scattered on the table of the living room. The both of them make silly faces from the way the alcohol burns down their tongues and through their chest. 

“So,” Beomgyu starts again, his words starting to become stammered. “What was Soobin like?”

Taehyun turns his head from Beomgyu back to Soobin. Taehyun watches again, the alcohol kicking in. He watches Soobin mingle with people. He watches him freely have a conversation with his college friends. He watches him dance. He watches him down so many shots. He watches him do things he’s never seen him do before. _How did he grow up to be that beautiful?_

“He was nothing like this,” Taehyun says with a tone filled with longing.

They sit there in silence, both too buzzed to say anything more. But deep down, Taehyun knows he stopped speaking because he wants to keep their memories to himself. He feels content by the thought that he has known Soobin since he was young. He’s been there through Soobin’s ups and downs. He’s been there when nine year old Soobin was sitting alone on a swing, when Taehyun approached him and became his only friend. He’s been there every time Soobin falls down and he’s always been there to treat his wounds. He’s been there before his friend became the cool and popular Soobin.

Taehyun feels his heart pound. He imagines what the next few weeks would be like now that he’s with this Soobin. He’s so excited to get to know him, the new him. He wants to be the one introducing Soobin to the friends he’ll meet in college (if he’ll ever find some). He pictures him and Soobin, having study dates in the library. He imagines Soobin touring him off campus. He imagines walks along the city; Soobin showing him the cafes, the restaurants, food stalls, the mall and every place Soobin has been to before. He wants to explore new places with him too. He imagines late night walks with him, talking about their problems; he wants to share each other’s problems, like they always do. He imagines being the talk of the town: popular campus crush Soobin and his new boyfriend. He imagines a colourful new life in college with him.

But suddenly he snaps out of it. The colours fade and he’s back in the gloom and grey of that living room. He realises all the things he shouldn’t have been thinking of. _He’s your best friend, Taehyun. Get a grip._ He scolds himself.

Taehyun watches Soobin again from a distance. He’s talking with two boys he’s unfamiliar with. 

“Look at him,” Beomgyu scoffs all of a sudden. “So oblivious.”

“What?” Taehyun asks, confusion visible in his face.

“Your best friend is the densest person I know.”

Taehyun becomes more confused. Taehyun knew Soobin since they were kids. Soobin is not dense at all. If anything, he's the most attentive person ever- he always notices everything about Taehyun or about anyone in general.

“I flirted with him, ” Beomgyu continues. “Idiot never noticed.”

Taehyun wonders how Soobin couldn’t have noticed. It’s either Soobin is actually denser than he knew or Soobin actually knows, but tries his best not to hurt the other’s feelings. Taehyun believes the latter more. Soobin has always been like that. He feels a small pain in his chest at the thought that Soobin never once did anything to hurt his feelings. 

“Look at him now,” Beomgyu lazily points at him. “Two boys flirting with him but there is still nothing happening.” 

Taehyun watches, again. He watches as a boy he doesn’t know leans in closer to Soobin. He watches as his best friend move away, subtly. But he knows he’s uncomfortable. That’s when it hits him. Soobin’s not dense; he’s just not interested.

“I think he’s waiting for someone else,” Beomgyu says and looks at him with a smile he can’t comprehend. He just brushes it off. 

Even so, his face heats up. He doesn’t like anything about this. He doesn’t like the way Beomgyu looks at Soobin. He dislikes the way the boys are flirting with him, making his best friend fazed. He doesn’t like the way he’s waiting for someone else. He doesn’t like that almost everyone wants Soobin, and that he’s the only one not allowed to. He hates that he’ll only be a best friend to him.

He stands up, he doesn’t know why he’s doing it but he’s rushing to Soobin’s direction. He tries to walk a straight line right towards the gold, shining bright amongst the crowd. He keeps watching Soobin: no matter where he looks, he’s shining. His face glows, even under awkward situations. He stands out from the crowd, this he never noticed about him until now. He feels like he’s flying, and flying until he’s not anymore. Until he’s crashing down and he feels his bones and heart shatter at the impact. 

He finally finds himself in front of Soobin. He doesn’t know what’s the best thing to do and finds himself at a loss for words.

“Taehyun?” Soobin asks him, perplexed at the sudden arrival. He looks at him, tears pooling around his eyelids. Soobin stares back with so much confusion, and Taehyun feels like he’s not allowed there.

Taehyun suddenly grabs Soobin’s wrists and they run. He doesn’t know where to go but he keeps running and running until they’re at the backyard outside. 

“Taehyun, stop!” Soobin halts and catches his breath. “What happened?”

“Can we talk?” Taehyun asks. Soobin looks at him with brows furrowed. They never had to ask if they could talk before. The only other time this happened was when Soobin came out to him, which led the other to say “Hyung, me too.” The rest was always natural between them, they always know how to move around each other.

But now, with this Soobin he’s been introduced to, it feels like he had to ask. Like there’s suddenly a wall separating them and he can’t seem to climb over it. Taehyun desperately wants to reach Soobin again. 

“Hey,” Soobin looks at him with pity. “What’s up?”

The worried boy suddenly dashes over to place his arm around the younger’s shoulders. Taehyun tries his best not to break down there. Soobin walks him over beside the pool there in the backyard.

They sit there on the ground, the dancing lights reflecting from the pool illuminates their faces. “What happened?” Soobin asks, voice almost trembling with worry.

Here’s the thing: Taehyun doesn’t know what happened. All he knows is that he just wants to reach Soobin again but he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know anything about them anymore. He never once did anything impulsive in his life but now, he feels a rush that makes him just want to let out whatever he’s feeling. Not minding that he will definitely regret this later on, he answers Soobin. 

“Hyung,” Taehyun looks at him, eyes brimming with tears. “What happened to us?”

Soobin shoots him a disoriented look. “What?”

The look is indescribably scary and it makes Taehyun feel heavy. Taehyun senses the regret starting to creep into his whole being but he continues either way (it might have been due to the influence of the alcohol).

“It feels like I don’t know you anymore,” he sniffles. “At least the you back there.”

“Oh, Taehyun,” Soobin sighs and the other doesn’t like it. He hates the way Soobin’s looking at him with sympathy.

“It feels like I knew more about you from Beomgyu.”

“Taehyun,” Soobin says with a tone he has never heard before. “We grew up.”

“And I hate it!” Taehyun shoots back. Finally releasing the one thing he's been wanting to say that whole evening. He hates everything about this.

“Well, you have to deal with it.” 

Taehyun’s heart breaks apart. 

Soobin stands up. He’s prepared to leave, ready to leave Taehyun there behind the tallest wall he built. “Talk to me when you sober up.” 

Taehyun looks up at his best friend (he doesn’t know if it’s even right to still call him that). He watches as he walks away. He wants to call out for him, tell him he’s sorry but his voice doesn’t come out.

“And for the record,” Soobin stops and looks back at the boy he left. “I don’t think we drifted apart.” He pauses.

“Hyung-”

“If you were with me tonight you’d know.” 

And before Taehyun could even reply, he’s already gone. He watches him walk away and he feels the light fade into gray. He’s now alone there by the side of the pool, watching the light reflecting on the water dance around and he feels like it’s laughing at him. He wants to curse at the pool, at the party; he wants to curse Soobin and everyone else in that room. _I fucked up_ , he hugs his knees and buries his head there. 

He sobs. He feels the hurt and regret creep all over and start to consume him. He sobs endlessly and for the first time, Soobin isn't there. He was always there for Taehyun, and right now he feels helpless. When you lose the shoulder you used to lean on, you fall. And that’s the fall that hurts the most because no one’s there to hear how your heart shatters into pieces. 

His head spins and his mind hurts from all the pain he’s feeling. _I fucked up my first college party. My first night with Soobin in college. I fucked up my chance at a new life with him. This is what you get for trying._ He stays there, crying. If people see him and wonder what’s a freshman doing there crying alone, he doesn’t care.

A few minutes later, he feels a shadow from his peripheral view: Beomgyu. He feels him sit beside him and soon an arm goes around his shoulder, slowly patting his back.

“What are you doing here?” Taehyun mumbles, head still buried between his knees.

“I promised Soobin I’d take care of you, right?” the other replies.

Taehyun looks up at him and sees him holding two red cups. He hands one to Taehyun and he uncurls himself to talk to Beomgyu better. He sips, not minding that he’s already terribly buzzed. He just wants to forget what happened. 

“What happened?” Beomgyu asks him sincerely.

There’s silence for a while. Taehyun’s not sure why Beomgyu is doing this when they just met. Nevertheless, he appreciates it. He needs it right now and it makes him feel relieved that he’ll have someone to lean on for the next few days. 

“I don’t know,” Taehyun’s voice falters. “I’m his best friend. I was supposed to be. I fucked it up tonight, he probably hates me now.”

Beomgyu chuckles lightly that prompts the other to look at him like he’s questioning why he’s laughing at his situation. 

“Soobin? Hating you? Soobin hating you?!” Beomgyu says in disbelief. “Impossible.”

“You don’t know that,” Taehyun sinks his head again.

“Oh, trust me I know. I’ve been watching the both of you all night.”

Taehyun peeks up, he’s curious about where he's going with this. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t think I’ve noticed the way you look at him, the way you blush when I mention Soobin? That’s not how someone acts around his best friend.”

Taehyun sighs. _Was he that obvious?_

“And Soobin,” Beomgyu shakes his head like a subtle disagreement. “He won’t ever hate you.”

Taehyun’s face contorts to a mixture of confusion and curiosity. (He wants to know more but is too shy to ask.) The other is quick to catch on.

“Oh my god,” Beomgyu sneers. “You’re denser than him!”

Taehyun doesn’t speak, half-embarrassed and half-confused, his mind runs on a million questions that he expects Beomgyu to answer. He tucks his head deeper, hiding the expectation in the form of a blush building up on his cheeks.

“I’ve known Soobin for a year now and I’ve never seen him act like this,” Beomgyu starts. Having received zero reactions from the younger, he continues.

“I’ve never seen him this caring. He even told me to take care of you and made me go here so you won’t be alone.”

This time, Taehyun looks up. “He did?”

“Yeah, even if you’re fighting he still wants to make sure you’re okay.”

He sighs with a hint of defeat. “That’s because I’m his best friend.”

Beomgyu shakes his head in annoyance; he’s so close to giving up on the two.

“I promise you he’s been waiting for you all this time.”

He lights up at that. He lets out a deep exhale like everything’s finally sinking in. He doesn’t know if what his new friend’s saying is true but now it feels like he is slowly backing away from the wall, steadily gaining a bigger picture of it and realising that _Huh, the wall is not that tall after all._

“I should go talk to him right?”

Beomgyu stands up and brushes off the dirt that stuck from where he sat. “I’ll go call him.”

He leaves and Taehyun waits. He thinks about everything Beomgyu said. He’s always been the denser one between Soobin and him. His best friend notices everything about him and knows him so well at this point. He knows what Taehyun needs before he asks. He beams up at that thought.

But his smile slowly fades when he realizes Soobin might have caught up with his little crush on him. Maybe him falling in love was too loud and shattering that Soobin heard it. _Oh, fuck._ He wants to jump in the pool and hide but it's too late. He feels Soobin’s presence slowly walk towards him. 

Despite his world blurring around him (both from his tears and the dizziness), Soobin still looks so bright and pretty and glowing and Taehyun just can’t take his eyes off of him. Even in his state, he can’t seem to stop gushing over the boy who he just cried over.

Soobin sits and they don’t speak for a moment. They just let themselves in peace for a while, gathering some thoughts.

“So,” Soobin begins after a while. “Are you okay now?”

What a silly question, Taehyun thinks. He would’ve laughed if they’re in any other situation. _Okay? Do I look like it?_ He wants to snap back at the other but he knows it isn’t the right thing to do. He needs to be transparent right now more than ever.

“I just hate it,” Taehyun’s voice chokes. “I hate that everybody’s flirting with you while I can’t.”

Soobin gasps, face changing into a state of shock. “What?!”

The regret fully devours Taehyun whole until he just wants to roll back everything that happened and start all over again. But he knows there is no other way over the wall but up, so he goes forward.

“I like you, Hyung,” Taehyun blurts out. 

“Taehyun, I-”

“I hate that you’re so cool and popular and pretty Soobin while I’m just… Taehyun,” he holds back his tears. “I hate that you’ll probably never like me back and I hate that I’m doing this right now making a fool of myself. I hate that I don’t know what to do around you anymore. I hate that-”

Before he can even finish, a pair of soft lips meets his, shutting him up. 

He stays there in shock. _What the fuck is happening?_ He feels Soobin’s lips, soft and tender over his. In his head, he wants to kiss him back; this is happening and he doesn’t want to fuck it up again but he sits there frozen. Soobin pulls back before he could even comprehend what's happening.

“Taehyun,” Soobin looks him in the eyes and Taehyun stares back at his– they're twinkling like a million galaxies and he tries not to fall in. “I like you too.”

“Hyung-”

“Let me finish,” Soobin stops him like the other did earlier. “I like you and every little thing about you. Cool and popular or whatever Soobin you call it is the same Soobin that fell in love with you.” 

Taehyun looks at him, eyes wide and overflowing with tears. 

“So please, don’t ever doubt yourself next time, okay?” Soobin looks at him with the same reassuring face he’s seen since they were young.

Taehyun nods. He bows his head down in shame. He feels embarrassed that all this even happened. _Why are you the nicest person ever?_ He wants to ask Soobin. He smiles– knowing that Soobin still knows what to say and do around Taehyun makes him feel the wall gradually disappear and he’s now back in the comfort of Soobin’s warmth. 

“Will you go out with me?” Soobin asks abruptly with a smile.

Taehyun doesn’t answer with words but instead leans in and closes the gap between them. Despite the taste of alcohol, the kiss is sweet and warm: everything Soobin is. It’s Taehyun’s first kiss and just like always Soobin is there sharing his first. Their eyes are closed but Taehyun feels Soobin smiling and giggling while they kiss. It takes everything in Taehyun not to break down over admiration right there.

Without a hitch, the wall he felt earlier breaks down and turns to gold flowers, rainbows, butterflies and everything beautiful in this world: everything that reminds him of Soobin. He feels the world go brighter as he shares that one sweet kiss with the person he loves. 

They break the kiss apart and Soobin leans in to hide his head on the crook of Taehyun’s neck. He is warm and soft and Taehyun can’t help but slide his hand on Soobin’s back up to the back of his head to play with his hair. They stay there for a few minutes before Soobin stands up.

“Let’s go back inside,” Soobin extends an arm out to Taehyun. The latter grabs it and struggles to stand up.

“Introduce me to your friends?”

Soobin smiles and _god is it glowing_. Taehyun smiles back. 

“Let’s go.”

  
  


* * *

Taehyun wakes up in his room the morning after the party. He doesn’t know how he got there but his head's too dizzy to even remember what went down last night. He notices a glass of water and a little hangover pill on his bedside table. There’s also a little sticky note plastered on the table.

“Text me when you wake up -Soob,” he freezes.

Suddenly all that happened runs back like a film strip on his mind. He remembers Beomgyu at the party, him throwing a tantrum at Soobin, confessing to Soobin, kissing him. He buries his head in his hands. But a few seconds later, as he remembers the brighter parts of the party, he smiles. He rummages through his bed to look for his phone. 

He finds it by his pillow and when he opens it there’s already a text from Soobin.

**Soobin**

good morning? 

Taehyun can’t contain the rosy blush forming on his cheeks.

**Taehyun**

thank you for last night hyung <3

_God you overdid it with the heart._ He beats himself up and scratches his head in embarrassment.

**Soobin**

no problem <3

He sighs in relief. _What a tease,_ he scoffs, the blush not fading yet no matter how hard he tries.

Taehyun lies back down on his bed and tries to grasp everything that happened. He thinks about how things will be different for the next few weeks but for the better. He tells himself not to expect anything and just let things flow between them, slowly and naturally. 

His eye catches a small picture frame lying on the same bedside table. It’s a picture of him and Soobin during the year they first met. They’re smiling with arms around each other, their eyes filled with so much happiness. They were kids with no care for this world and that picture captured that moment. He picks up the frame and stares at it with so much longing and hope and hugs it close to his chest. _We grew up so beautifully._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> like i said at the start, this is my first fic so constructive criticisms are very much welcome, either in the comments or my dms (@lgbtyun or my priv for those who know hehe) 
> 
> and big thanks to my bestie prof. sandra (@minizode on twt and sunglaze on ao3!!) who helped me so much throughout this whole writing process!! i love you so much <3
> 
> thank you so much for reading <3


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